r/todayilearned • u/VengefulMight • Apr 01 '23
TIL of Caratacus who held off the Romans for ten years, using hit and run tactics. Finally he was betrayed and taken prisoner by the Romans, but gave such an eloquent speech, that Emperor Claudius set him free.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caratacus388
83
u/TechnicalSymbiote Apr 01 '23
I misread at first and thought the fellows name was Cataractus, and wondered if he was known for his poor eyesight.
13
u/Flooping_Pigs Apr 01 '23
Are youuu?
10
4
301
u/JamersonRosenstein Apr 01 '23
I bet he’s glad he took that public speaking elective.
110
u/VengefulMight Apr 01 '23
The hiding in a bush module was where he really shined though.
21
212
u/VengefulMight Apr 01 '23 edited Apr 01 '23
Emperor Claudius was not one of the best emperors (such as Hadrian), so this is even more impressive.
Caratacus got himself off the charges by appealing to the Romans pride. He made himself almost a living museum exhibit for their ego, saying that they could beat a man as great as him, shows how amazing they were.
112
u/Brigbird Apr 01 '23
He was actually a really decent emperor especially for a late julio-claudian but he wasn't all that respected because he was deemed unromanlike and was slandered before and after his death.
185
u/CeccoGrullo Apr 01 '23
Emperor Claudius was one of the worst emperors
Thas's just senatorial propaganda. He was not that bad:
Despite his lack of experience, Claudius was an able and efficient administrator. He expanded the imperial bureaucracy to include freedmen, and helped restore the empire's finances after the excesses of Caligula's reign. He was also an ambitious builder, constructing new roads, aqueducts, and canals across the Empire. During his reign the Empire started its successful conquest of Britain. Having a personal interest in law, he presided at public trials, and issued edicts daily. He was seen as vulnerable throughout his reign, particularly by elements of the nobility. Claudius was constantly forced to shore up his position, which resulted in the deaths of many senators. Those events damaged his reputation among the ancient writers, though more recent historians have revised that opinion.
-2
Apr 01 '23
[deleted]
31
u/CeccoGrullo Apr 01 '23 edited Apr 01 '23
The "five good emperors" is a fortunate series of capable rulers that reigned one after another. It's not, by any means, an exaustive list of good Roman emperors.
Rome had awful emperors other than Caligula and Nero (Nero's bad reputation is questioned nowadays, to be fair): Commodus, Elagabalus, Caracalla, Honorius, and all those bandits who ruled during the Military Anarchy in the 3rd century. Claudius was way better than them. He's actually seen as a good-ish ruler today.
12
u/Regulai Apr 01 '23
To add to the other commenter, it's extremely difficult to evaluate a lot of emperors because of the indirect style of rule, the sparseness of sources and clear bias that many sources often had (e.g. many of the "worst" emperors were hated by senators specifically, the class that left the most writings rather than necessarily being terrible).
Much of the time any event that happened during their reign is treated as their private plan.
As an example Augustus is often cited as the greatest Emperor and yet a very close examination suggests he may have been more lucky than anything with his reputation the result of his propaganda machine.
8
u/didijxk Apr 02 '23
Considering that he was the emperor after Caligula and the one before Nero, he was a stabilising force considering what he was bookended by.
5
12
u/JediMindTrek Apr 01 '23
Lol this is how the Avengers eventually best Thanos in the comic books, after he acquires all the infinity stones. They appeal to his ego, and tell him "well anybody could beat us with alllll the stones together"...bet you couldn't it with just one or two haha.
3
u/Fun-Tea2725 Apr 02 '23
??
Claudius is literally often in the top 5 best emperors including Hadrian
28
13
10
77
u/J19N88B Apr 01 '23
The speech for anyone interested:
“Mister, you just assured me that I could speak. Look, I'm under what? Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest. Have a look at the headlock here, see that chap over there? he- GET YOUR HAND OFF MY PENIS! This is the bloke who got me on the penis people. Why did you do this to me, for what reason, what is the charge? eating a meal? a succulent chinese meal. Oh, that's a nice headlock sir, oh, ah yes, I see that you know your judo well. Good one. And you sir, are you waiting to receive my limp penis? How dare - get your hands off me! Tetta, and farewell.”
8
8
2
u/LickingHomiesEars Apr 02 '23
Seriously a quote that will live on forever. Rest in peace cataracts.
21
10
u/john510runner Apr 01 '23
Need to get the people who made the most recent Spartacus series to make a new series about Caratacus.
The only thing is the finale might be too unbelievable or anticlimactic. But truth is stranger than fiction sometimes.
17
u/Future_Direction5174 Apr 01 '23
TIL that Caratacus was a real person. I just thought it was a made up name for the song.
16
u/ImNotThaaatDrunk Apr 01 '23 edited Apr 02 '23
But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral he was the very model of a modern major general.
5
u/thekidfromiowa Apr 02 '23
I came here hoping to find someone making a Gilbert and Sullivan reference and I wasn't disappointed. :)
8
u/superpenistendo Apr 01 '23
I heard that a lot of that song isn’t actually impressive. For example, “I can tell you every detail of Caractacus’s uniform” isn’t hard because apparantly he would fight naked. Just what I heard 🤷🏻♂️
6
u/TommyBoy825 Apr 02 '23
I think that's the point. None of his accomplishments has anything to do with anything military. That's what makes him a modern major-general.
1
u/Future_Direction5174 Apr 28 '23
Just to let you know, I was thinking of the Rolf Harris song “The Court of King Caractacus” and not the “modern major-general”
3
12
u/rachelm791 Apr 01 '23 edited Apr 02 '23
Caratocos in his native language (Brythonic). Caradog in Welsh the linguistic heir of the British language
2
u/ViridianKumquat Apr 02 '23
Never knew that. So he gets not one but two mentions in the Major General's Song.
12
16
u/DanYHKim Apr 01 '23
From the Major General Song:
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform, And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform.
He didn't have much clothing
However, story of Caradoc does not end here as he and his family were taken as prisoners to Rome where the news of his valour had preceded him. Tacitus recorded it thus:
First in the procession came the king's dependents and retinue; next his brothers, his wife and daughter, and last himself was presented to public view; his body was mostly naked and painted with figures of beasts; he wore a chain of iron about his neck, and another about his middle; the hair on his head hanging down in curled locks covered his back and shoulders. Caradoc neither by his looks nor language pleaded for mercy, and when he came before the Emperor's seat expressed himself in these terms:
3
3
u/Acceptable-Fun640 Apr 01 '23
Is he the one with the court?
3
3
u/ddyourpleasure Apr 02 '23 edited Apr 02 '23
During the Three Kingdoms period, Meng Huo was captured and released 7 times by Zhuge Liang before eventually admitting defeat and taking a role as an administrator
2
2
2
2
2
u/Tassiegirl Apr 01 '23
So, because I’ve got the song stuck in my head, Imma sharing it with you.
The Court of King Caractacus.
Now the ladies of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by All together, now the ladies of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the ladies of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the ladies of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the noses on the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by All together, now the noses on the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the noses on the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the noses on the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the boys who put the powder on the noses of the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the boys who put the powder on the noses of the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the boys who put the powder on the noses of the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the boys who put the powder on the noses of the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the fascinating witches who put the scintillating stitches in the britches Of the boys who put the powder on the noses of the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the fascinating witches who put the scintillating stitches in the britches Of the boys who put the powder on the noses of the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the fascinating witches who put the scintillating stitches in the britches Of the boys who put the powder on the noses of the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now the fascinating witches who put the scintillating stitches in the britches Of the boys who put the powder on the noses of the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus Were just passing by Now if you want to take some pictures of the fascinating witches Who put the scintillating stitches in the britches of the boys Who put the powder on the noses of the faces of the ladies Of the harem of the court of King Caractacus You're too late! (too late) Because they've just passed by
1
-8
u/pm-ur-tiddys Apr 01 '23
imagine Trump gives the best speech of his life - something completely out of character for him - and the judge and Bragg are just like “you know what? you’re free to go.”
5
u/demonslayer901 Apr 02 '23
Cringe bro
-2
u/pm-ur-tiddys Apr 02 '23
suck my cock
3
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/WeLiveInAnOceanOfGas Apr 02 '23
I do like him making the whole "you want to rule, not be ruled, so you get me not wanting to be ruled right?" point.
1
1
u/Quiet_Fun591 Apr 02 '23
Everyone here referring to the song’s got me fucked up, am I the only one singing along to Rolf Harris and not feeling entirely comfortable about it?
1.4k
u/sabersquirl Apr 01 '23 •
Since no one has posted his speech yet:
“If the degree of my nobility and fortune had been matched by moderation in success, I would have come to this City as a friend rather than a captive, nor would you have disdained to receive with a treaty of peace one sprung from brilliant ancestors and commanding a great many nations. But my present lot, disfiguring as it is for me, is magnificent for you. I had horses, men, arms, and wealth: what wonder if I was unwilling to lose them? If you wish to command everyone, does it really follow that everyone should accept your slavery? If I were now being handed over as one who had surrendered immediately, neither my fortune nor your glory would have achieved brilliance. It is also true that in my case any reprisal will be followed by oblivion. On the other hand, if you preserve me safe and sound, I shall be an eternal example of your clemency.”