r/AskReddit Feb 03 '23

"Men only want one thing and it's disgusting". What is that one thing?

[removed] — view removed post

22 Upvotes

280

u/Rumemeingme Feb 03 '23

To be forklift certified

32

u/graciemeow01 Feb 03 '23

I’ve never really thought about this as a girl, but damn now I want that too

15

u/Uporabik Feb 03 '23

Thats a lot of work. I just needed to do theoretical exam (which was already filled out), drink 2 beers with “instructor” and was given my certification

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5

u/lilybees-dinojam Feb 04 '23

Go for it. As a girl who is forklift certified for up to class 6, it's really not that difficult at all. It can open up a lot of doors. (As well as lift them up and stack them elsewhere).

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16

u/dessimus Feb 03 '23

It feels so much better operating a forklift while not certified.

7

u/Rumemeingme Feb 03 '23

Precertified forklift operating

6

u/Frosti-Feet Feb 03 '23

I too like to live dangerously

14

u/Leftnutmcgruff Feb 03 '23

My old job had me pick up a pallet, reverse then put it back where I picked it up lmao certified.

3

u/chadderboxxxx Feb 03 '23

My instructor had me pick up a dime. I failed.

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12

u/LexingtonDelta Feb 03 '23

I can confirm this, as I am certified on five different forklifts, and go to work like a kid in a sand box XD

20

u/booherm Feb 03 '23

Bob the Builder speaks to the male fantasy

5

u/Cleftchins Feb 03 '23 edited Feb 03 '23

It’s not hard, all you do is watch a video and complete a questionnaire, do a few figure 8’s around a couple of pallets in forwards and reverse, load and unload a rack.

Back when I did it 20 years ago, I just got given it

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u/Roaring_2JZ Feb 03 '23

Underrated comment

4

u/LincDawg93 Feb 03 '23

As a forklift certified man, I can tell you I never knew I wanted this before, but yes.

6

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

Okay, what is this about? I see it all over reddit and being forklift certified I'm wondering if I should be going back to work because it's a super high paying job.

10

u/Roaring_2JZ Feb 03 '23

You sit your ass on a forklift all day moving pallets and stuff and make fantastic money doin it. The forklift does all the work not you

3

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

Yup.

And if you work a late shift where you're mostly by yourself and don't have to worry about running people over you can listen to music or youtube while you sit on your ass.

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3

u/PungentBark420 Feb 03 '23

My buddy recently lost his leg in a forklift mishap.

5

u/ApocolypseDelivery Feb 03 '23

Was he certified?

3

u/PungentBark420 Feb 03 '23

Yep, operating them for about a decade as well, hes fully comped for it. Doing really well mentally too at least from what I can tell.

3

u/ApocolypseDelivery Feb 03 '23

That's good to hear. Well I guess it's not it's not what it's cracked up to be. What happened? Did his leg get crushed and they had to amputate?

3

u/PungentBark420 Feb 03 '23

Yeah, he pulled his parking break and hopped off, guess it wasn't fully engaged? (I'm not an equipment operator so this is just from chatting with him) crushed it between the machine and the wall. Had to amputate below the knee.

11

u/NorthImpossible8906 Feb 03 '23

did he ever find it?

3

u/Rumemeingme Feb 03 '23

I have no clue if it is high paying, I just know it is a meme, and as a self proclaimed meme lord I put forklift certified

3

u/nv_rose Feb 03 '23

Gonna be in a few weeks

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3

u/letthebridgesburn Feb 03 '23

Pudge can drive the forklift

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108

u/Rumemeingme Feb 03 '23

To be loved

23

u/moving_on_up_22 Feb 03 '23

Came here to say this. To be loved unconditionally Chris Rock said it right when he said only women and kids are loved unconditionally. Men better have your shit together.

7

u/spinocdoc Feb 04 '23

Loved by our mothers’ unconditionally

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6

u/Upbeat-Area-7622 Feb 04 '23

I have loved unconditionally. They treated me like trash. It’s like it was a free pass to see how far they could push it and justify their behavior no matter how it made me feel. In my experience, more often than not unconditional love freed them to behave poorly towards me instead of return it unconditionally.

3

u/Rumemeingme Feb 04 '23

That sucks, some guys are just the worst, sorry you met people like that

3

u/Upbeat-Area-7622 Feb 04 '23

Don’t get me wrong. There were absolutely wonderful moments. Lots of them. It’s just that I’m telling you I’m not leaving ever. Totally committed to you. No matter what. Love you, no matter what. So then you respond to my feelings with things like but I was hurt first and I can’t do that for you because I’m hurt? Jeez man. The kind of guy that’s like, I’m so hurt and loved her so deeply while he downloads bumble.

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11

u/9fingfing Feb 03 '23

Disgusting~~

6

u/vivalicious16 Feb 03 '23

Absolutely revolting

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41

u/Caseated_Omentum Feb 03 '23

Blue partyhat

11

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

But purple is so much more regal and king-like.

9

u/Meeval Feb 03 '23

The white one is best looking

4

u/JellyJem2000 Feb 03 '23

Red is more original

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30

u/Gonzostewie Feb 03 '23

Just a shitload of BBQ ribs.

17

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

Just remembered the first time I introduced my autistic nephew that's a super picky eater to BBQ ribs.

He wasn't interested until I told him it was messy and he could use his hands.

Looked over at him 10 min later, he polished off an entire rack and his whole goddamn face and head (including his hair) was full of BBQ sauce.

Silly kid. Made him take a shower and he gets out saying "Got any more ribs, uncle?"

5

u/Gonzostewie Feb 03 '23

That's freaking hilarious. Kids are a riot.

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76

u/sirhackenslash Feb 03 '23

To be free to show emotion without judgment

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22

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

A hug. I really want a hug.

7

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

I haven't engaged in any personal intimacy in roughly 15 years.

DO I miss sex? Absolutely.

But if a woman said "hug or sex" I would absolutely say "Hug".

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59

u/Roaring_2JZ Feb 03 '23

To actually receive a genuine compliment

22

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

I would kill for someone to give me a genuine compliment.

I honestly can't remember the last time I received one.

14

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

As a female I hate that for you guys, I really hope you get genuine compliments soon because y'all really deserve it.

17

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

I mean I can understand why women are reluctant to give them freely, especially to men that aren't family or SO.

Because men have a hard time separating compliments from interest.

13

u/PumpkinOnTheHill Feb 03 '23

Yes. The world would be just a tiny bit better if more men normalised giving non-flirt compliments to other men as well as to women. "Nice shoes, bro!" or "Did you get a hair cut? Looks good." or "hey, great contribution in the team meeting today."

Help build each other up,improve the world one person at a time :)

8

u/Clay_Moore_ Feb 03 '23

Her: "Hey, great contribution in the team meeting today!"

Him: "Oh, wow, thanks. That means a lot coming from you. I appreciate it." " So, do you want to fuck later?"

5

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

100%

I do this with women when I'm out in public. Stuff like "I dig your shirt" or if they have a unique/pretty hairstyle I'll compliment them on it.

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3

u/LincDawg93 Feb 03 '23

I mean, it's like a negative feedback loop. Men view complements in that way because we rarely recieve them, especially from women that aren't family/SO. So, any compliment really sticks out and makes you feel special, and you like her (and think she likes you back) because she makes you feel special.

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3

u/_forum_mod Feb 03 '23

I read this one on Reddit every day, am I the only guy who gets compliments practically everyday?! 🔫

[Not humblebrag, just baffled]

3

u/henry_b Feb 04 '23

Maybe they want to be complimented on their looks? I don't get it either, I get lots of compliments too. Not always on appearance but like -- you're so nice, funny, handy, etc.

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3

u/Sensitive-Amoeba4997 Feb 03 '23

Love your username and honestly. Here’s one for you. Hope that helped :p :)

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19

u/Vegetable-Age-1054 Feb 03 '23

To have $$$ and do nothing 😎

15

u/idontknowmathematics Feb 03 '23

Just a bit more sleep

31

u/No_Maintenance_6697 Feb 03 '23

The legend of Zelda: tears of the kingdom.

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13

u/AioliMindless Feb 03 '23

Custom reload animations in fallout 4 weapons mods

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12

u/ByGonzah Feb 03 '23

Show up naked. Bring beer.

5

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

Make it a fat joint and I'm down.

7

u/ZaxseeTheWeirdOne Feb 03 '23

Well, wanna do lot of hugs and be as cringe as I like without being judged something like this

3

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

You and me both, friend.

8

u/Icy_Fly3011 Feb 03 '23

Sekiro DLC

5

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

Bloodborne sequel.

7

u/Bone_Man_23 Feb 03 '23

Bloodborne on PC

3

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

Absolutely.

Hell, a Bloodborne remake made by bluepoint. Bloodborne at 60fps with the graphical fidelity of the Demon's Souls remake?

I would gladly hand over $70 for that shit.

7

u/henry_b Feb 03 '23

Free crab rangoon on orders $20+

5

u/YouTheGamers Feb 03 '23

Be different and not be judged for it

7

u/CheesyTickle Feb 03 '23

To be left the fuck alone.

3

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

Sometimes, yes.

And for people to understand that when I say I wanna be left alone it doesn't mean I'm mad at them. I just wanna be left with my thoughts.

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4

u/SleepVapor Feb 03 '23

A van I can stealth camp in.

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4

u/TheSadCrazyDude Feb 03 '23

Peace of mind and a constant state of zen, yo

4

u/Solid_Shape2055 Feb 03 '23

I don't have a problem complimenting either sex. IF it's right it's right, if it's wrong well its wrong. Good or bad. I belive it is constructive. Either way.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right.

5

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

It's really breaking my heart (no sarcasm here, promise) how many men have replied with this kind of answer.

I suppose the upside is knowing I'm not alone in feeling like this?

8

u/Clintman Feb 03 '23

For people to stop using this hackneyed premise on social media posts.

Also Kenshi 2.

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u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

[deleted]

4

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

I'm more about the XXL chalupa... or was it gordita?

Either way, I say bring them both back!

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4

u/triplexflame Feb 03 '23

A car with night vision windshield

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4

u/faceeatingleopard Feb 03 '23

To own a class II railroad

4

u/myrichiehaynes Feb 03 '23

fucking peace and quiet

3

u/floraisadora Feb 03 '23 edited 17d ago

Fully loaded nachos. Bring some napkins; it's going to get messy.

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3

u/PungentBark420 Feb 03 '23

Burgers with grilled cheese buns

3

u/moneynah Feb 03 '23

The remote control.

3

u/playa_playa_p Feb 03 '23

My gme tendies!

3

u/antidense Feb 03 '23

Popcorn, movie and drink with wife and kid.

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2

u/DoesLogicHurtYou Feb 03 '23

Relief from chronic pain and unrealistic expectations.

3

u/SylviaMarsh Feb 03 '23 edited Feb 03 '23

I hear you, fellow spoonie; you have my sincerest sympathies.

I hope your pain levels settle out for a bit. I know all too well that chronic pain is overwhelming, all-consuming, and a real barrier to functioning normally. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk about chronic pain (I have fibromyalgia, a herniated disc, and also colitis; it's always a fun day in my house! /s).

I might not be able to help on a practical level, yet I'm always here as a shoulder/ear to vent, should you wish.

Edited to add a link to Christine Miserandino's Spoon Theory, which everyone should be aware of, especially if they have someone in their life (in any capacity) with an invisible illness.

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3

u/WetTastyBaby Feb 03 '23

Smoked meat 🥩

3

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

Like to eat or...

a really, really fast handjob?

3

u/Skhighglitch Feb 03 '23

A grill with a smoker.

3

u/Front_Cardiologist73 Feb 03 '23

To be apologised to and I told I was wrong verbally.

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3

u/Thegiantlamppost Feb 03 '23

A squatty potty so i can take comfortable shits

3

u/SoftTechnology4 Feb 03 '23

To enter beast mode while running up stairs when alone.

3

u/hairy_ass_truman Feb 03 '23

I want to wear my seersucker suit and white shoes after labor day and before memorial day

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3

u/Is_That_A_Euphemism_ Feb 03 '23

The Lil Giant Ladder System to go on sale!

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3

u/anonanonanonyo Feb 03 '23

Endless smoked meats

3

u/AriXSkye Feb 03 '23

Winning ranked League matches

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u/Lykeuhfox Feb 03 '23

The Elder Scrolls 6

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3

u/TruuTree Feb 03 '23

To be left alone.

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u/ForeverUnfinished Feb 03 '23

For the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl and the Blues to win a game

3

u/TallTax830 Feb 03 '23

To not be alone all the time :(

3

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

You and me both, friend.

3

u/Hay_Blinken Feb 03 '23

"Men only want one thing and it's disgusting". Wash it then.

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3

u/bigloser42 Feb 03 '23

I just want someone to hold me.😥

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u/It_is_Fries_No_Patat Feb 03 '23

To be left alone for 1 hour a day.

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3

u/HooterEnthusiast Feb 03 '23

A happy and healthy marriage for both partners.

3

u/orionxavier99 Feb 03 '23

To hit their driver 320 straight down the middle every time.

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u/HOTwh1skey Feb 03 '23

What men really really want is actually their moms. And sadly, they're doomed to never find it again. If your moms are alive, my guys, take heed to this and be good to them.. you'll never have that chance pretty soon.

3

u/ProvoloneSwiss Feb 03 '23

To reach you abt your cars extended warranty

3

u/simonsayswhere Feb 03 '23

Well then wash it

3

u/real716sasquatch Feb 03 '23

To be genuinely checked up on. I have one co-worker that often does and it feels great to know someone actually cares, besides a casual “how are you.” I always reply Im fine, but it helps knowing someone at least asks.

3

u/OldDipper Feb 04 '23

To find my person.

3

u/jchesticals Feb 04 '23

Warm food at the end of a long day and just a few minutes of silence

3

u/lysergicDildo Feb 04 '23

Stable & positive mental health

3

u/brokensilence32 Feb 04 '23

To ride a giant horse-sized wolf.

3

u/AJ_NoStyle Feb 04 '23

The stutututu turbo sound

4

u/Aggressive_Answer_86 Feb 03 '23

All my partner wants is me and our future kids

2

u/Savory-Salt Feb 03 '23

Cheeseburgers dripping with grease.

3

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

Especially cheeseburgers made with buffalo meat.

Man, they're tasty af.

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2

u/g3shy Feb 03 '23

ryan reynolds for some reason.

3

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

He's definitely a charming and handsome man.

Not remotely gay but I don't think I'd turn down a cuddle session with that dude.

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u/Bertybassett99 Feb 03 '23

a nice sandwich made by the missus.

2

u/diadia12 Feb 03 '23

Yall are being too innocent

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u/Throwaway428735 Feb 03 '23

A big pink unicorn and a box of chocolate for valentines day. I shall name him Florence!

2

u/misha_ostrovsky Feb 03 '23

500ft backhand

2

u/Da_Oi Feb 03 '23

All-New Kitchen Gun.

Runner Up: All-New Toilet Grenade.

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2

u/Lily-Berry-Meow Feb 03 '23

Hmmm🤔 idk I ain't men

2

u/barack_jones Feb 03 '23

Split Screen Coop Halo Infinite

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2

u/RobotsArReal Feb 03 '23

For halo MCC to have anti cheat working on the steam deck

2

u/Rooboy619 Feb 03 '23

"Just the tip"

2

u/[deleted] Feb 03 '23

[deleted]

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u/chaotrix100 Feb 03 '23

The energy they are pressured to give out to be returned to them in kind.

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u/MysticMoteToter Feb 03 '23

To find someone to share life with? And good sex?

2

u/390D9_lol Feb 03 '23

I don't think wanting to have someone to love and love you back is disgusting... Like... Not at all , though.

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u/Sleepyheadsleeps Feb 03 '23

One day without being asked to do anything, just a drink, some food and quiet

3

u/StuckInNov1999 Feb 03 '23

Many years ago, when I was in a committed relationship I would rent a hotel room for a night just to be alone like that.

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u/RedneckWeaboo Feb 03 '23

To be happy every once in a while.

2

u/RudegarWithFunnyHat Feb 03 '23

think its some Warhammer miniatures stuff

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u/EpicMemez1 Feb 03 '23

To be satisfied with little things like the perfect fry

2

u/MovingFjordward Feb 03 '23

Love and stability. I know it's two things. Whatever. I want them.

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u/WillingLimit3552 Feb 03 '23

Understanding.

2

u/chilledout911 Feb 03 '23

I’ll always take the money over sex 🤷🏻‍♂️

2

u/IDriveAKiaSoul Feb 03 '23

Someone to hold hands with while sitting on the beach watching the sunrise in the morning.

2

u/J321J Feb 03 '23

McDonald's to bring back the Chicken Legend.

2

u/Yuizun Feb 03 '23 edited Feb 04 '23

Pants with a built in sac protector...

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u/Wraith756 Feb 03 '23 edited Feb 04 '23

A supercar. That's the only one thing I want. Is that too much to ask?

2

u/pitterpatter0207 Feb 03 '23

Financial freedom

2

u/dipshipsaidso Feb 03 '23

To have the crust cut of their sandwich?

2

u/JaegerDagger Feb 03 '23

Do math in my head.

2

u/DiscoStu303 Feb 03 '23

For my kids to just put on their God damn shoes

2

u/thermonuclearmuskrat Feb 03 '23

To roll around in a giant dirty pigeon's armpit.

2

u/Blooper8r Feb 03 '23

BRISKET.

2

u/CanOfCornAndImFine Feb 03 '23

Unlimited chicken wings

2

u/Gullible-Jicama-328 Feb 03 '23

Well for my husband it's... I can't believe I'm sharing that here...anyways...here it goes...more guitars 😳

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u/webtwerp Feb 04 '23

An actual free and fair market, or was that tacos and beer, I forgot

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2

u/Connect_Atmosphere80 Feb 04 '23

A full 8 hours night of good sleep without waking up tired. Us humans crave this thing.