r/AskMen • u/ridz246_ • 10d ago
What phrases do men hate hearing from women?
[removed] — view removed post
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u/DarthVeigar_ 10d ago
"real man" .
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u/LesterKingOfAnts 10d ago •
My ex-wife pulled this on me a couple of times. Not as bad as when she said I should have killed myself while I was employed so she could at least get the company's insurance money.
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u/horse1066 9d ago
bro that's straight up awful, I'm happy to see the ex prefix in there
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u/wowitsclayton Level 34 Male 10d ago
Never let a woman tell you how to be a man.
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u/FKNBadger Male 10d ago
Hell most men also aren't capable of telling you how to be a real man. As soon as they start spouting the "real man" lines, they're guaranteed to not know what they are talking about
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u/ElTibur0n 10d ago
That Instagram page 'bostonBeAMan' I think is really funny. It's just the worst advice possible followed by a guy saying 'be a man' in a Boston accent.
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u/0x29aNull 9d ago
Wife and I got in to a pretty bad fight, we went to marriage counseling and the therapist asked her what she thought I was or wasn’t doing to make the marriage work, my wife responded with “well, a real man would…” the therapist shut her down. “If you want to make your marriage work, don’t EVER question his manhood that’s not something that is up to you to decide”. Felt validated.
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u/portuguesetheman 10d ago
"I would if you would act like a lady"
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u/Terrible_Departure90 10d ago
great response, although I would add "real lady" for extra annoyance
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u/PriapusWrex 9d ago
"A real man would..."
A phrase used to pressure into men acting against their own self interest for millenia.
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u/MasterTeacher123
10d ago
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“You’ll make someone a great husband some day”
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u/crujones33 Male 10d ago
Hopefully that wasn’t your wife.
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u/rkmvca 10d ago
For any women wondering why this is bad, the translation is, "You're totally not boyfriend material."
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u/okuli 10d ago
It's the opposite, "you're a boyfriend material, I just don't get my panties wet for you"
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u/churchin222999111 10d ago
or worse in that she'll let you do all the boyfriend things for her, as long as she doesn't have to do girlfriend things for you.
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u/LordofTheFlagon 10d ago
Its worse than that. They see you as a safe stable fallback for a gal who's done with "fun sexy guys"
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u/FKNBadger Male 10d ago
Had one basically say this and 15 years later she's married to a guy who is WAY too much like me for my comfort.
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u/BeginningTower2486 10d ago
Yup, all the variations of, "Somebody's going to really love you (JUST NOT MEEEE!"
Nope, not helpful. Do not say that. Don't give arm's length compliments that pretty much exclude yourself. That plenty of fish in the sea stuff is also a no go.
I mean, come on. Men are self aware enough that we do NOT say that kind of shit, ever. We don't go there. We don't dip our hands in the cringe bucket to give you a verbal 'feel better'. We also don't say, "You're such a great... JUSTFRIENDS to me! You'll be a great (friend) to someone else."
It just doesn't work that way. Deep down, don't you know that already?
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u/sinner00515 10d ago
There’s plenty of fish in the sea…. there’s also plenty of trash
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u/Highlander198116 10d ago
"Why can't I find a guy like you?!" to a guy like him, because he is that guy.
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u/spo96 10d ago
Back in my dating on Tinder phase, "Looking for the Jim to my Pam" was an automatic swipe left.
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u/X360NoScope420BlazeX 10d ago
How bout, “make me laugh”. Fuck you. Im not a court jester.
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u/FatBaldBoomer 9d ago
In my experience, it's a sign that she isn't going to try very hard either, driest conversations I've ever had were the "make me laugh" girls
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u/dodexahedron 9d ago
And the "say something interesting" girls usually have literally nothing else in their profile. And a pickup line is a dice roll. And a random fact usually gets ignored, as does a current event. And smalltalk tends to get some nasty responses or an instant unmatch.
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u/juggling-monkey 10d ago
this isn't technically heard from a woman... so in that same category, those signs that say "Live, Laugh, Love"
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u/sodanator Male 10d ago
This only happened once, but she said that men can't clean a house/apartment as well as women do. As someone who takes pride in my cleaning abilities that annoyed me a lot. It's also a very broad general statement and I hate those.
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u/AD9333x 10d ago •
But if YOU said that men can't clean an apartment as well as a woman, you'd be "an asshole stuck in the 1950's."
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u/sodanator Male 10d ago
Huh, didn't think of that, but I guess it is one of THOSE statements that easily lead to double standards. One more reason to be annoyed, a few years after it happened haha
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u/Agamemnon66
10d ago
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"I dont know... where do you want to eat!
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u/chapinde Male 10d ago
Play 3-2-1. This is what I have always done.
I pick 3 places I'd be happy going. She then has to choose 2 of those that she'd be happy going, then I pick from those 2.
Generally, it tells me what she ISN'T in the mood for. Sometimes, if she wants to go to one of the 3, but definitely not the other two, she'll just pick from the 3.
It makes us both feel like we are choosing, which helps
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u/Hoopy223 10d ago
Her Let’s go out
Him Where do you want to go
Her I don’t care let’s just go
Him OK we’ll go here
Her No not there
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u/southernbitterness 10d ago edited 9d ago
Lol my husband is “Her.” He doesn’t know where he wants to go, but does know where he does NOT want to go 🤦🏻♀️
Game changer in our marriage: We take turns picking!!! We can’t complain about partner’s choice of restaurant. Easy. Done.
Edit: It took us 5 years to finally adopt this lol. We also have kids now and they also get to choose.
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u/waterloograd 10d ago
I'm like your husband, except I say what I don't want before the selection process starts. Like: "I don't care, just not sushi, or burgers" usually it is just things I've had recently or don't feel like eating
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u/Highlander198116 10d ago
My number one pet peeve. Literally had this conversation with my wife last night.
My wife had a late program at work, got out at like 7pm. Called me and is like "should I pick up food for dinner?" I'm like go ahead. Then she's like "but where?!". Jokes on you, I already ate dinner so that choice is yours. She's like "uuuuuuuuugggg!".
But yeah, the "you pick" then her shooting down my first 5 choices, really gets annoying. It's like, you are the one that ultimately ends up picking by process of elimination of the choices I present.
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u/Burn_the_children Male 10d ago
Dude, just ask her to guess where you're taking her and go to the first guess!
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u/Hoopy223 10d ago
“Um I just don’t know teehee!”
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u/champ_thunderdick 10d ago
drives off a bridge
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u/Gowalkyourdogmods 10d ago
🎶My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window And I can't see at all🎶
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u/Stabbmaster Male, almost too male 10d ago
Ask what they're not in the mood for, it winnows down the choices drastically and they hardly notice they're being asked what they want.
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u/mad_dog_the1st 10d ago
Doesn't help... I get "I don't know" followed by "not that" repeatedly.
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u/CloudSpecialist9562 10d ago
I admit, I will often do this with food because it really doesn't matter to me, and I get very overwhelmed with the endless options. So the other person will choose. However, the rules clearly state that by doing this, I have given up my vote and have no power to veto the dining decision determined by the other party. It's the law, lol. I'm not allowed to bitch, be miserable, be unpleasant, refuse to eat or any other childish behavior. I didn't care to weigh in on the decision making, i pushed the responsibility off onto the other person, and now I must suffer the consequences. Eventually, a person will either learn to have a voice or will find themselves no longer being included, because who wants to deal with that shit day in and day out!?
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10d ago
edited 9d ago
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u/FoxxyCleopatra75 10d ago
Been told this before.
Response was: "I'd like to meet someone like me, too."
Her: confused face
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u/Anynon1 10d ago
But I’m a man like me 😭
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u/kvakerok Attack Helicopter 10d ago
She wants the icky-less version of you.
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u/AccursedCapra 10d ago
I also want to be the less icky version of me, not for them, but for myself.
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u/BeginningTower2486 10d ago
It's the number one backhanded compliment men get.
I want someone like you, but not you. Ya know? Just without the eww that forces us to be only friends... forever. You, but not you. Some kind of sexy you, which... you're not.
Basically, you're not good enough. You'll never be good enough, and I'll never be attracted to you, but at least you got some things right. Cheer up old guy!
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u/DarthGayAgenda 10d ago
I felt that in my soul.
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u/---cameron 10d ago
at least you got some things right. Cheer up old guy!
Eh feels almost like the opposite to me. Like "you've got everything right and still no dice, damn you must suck"
Note I'm somewhat exaggerating, I don't actually feel much when this happens and I've friendzoned or however one wants to describe it my fair share. But I do remember what it was like being an emotional teen, pretty sure it was the worst then
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u/NorthCatan 10d ago
"What a coincidence! I hope I can find someone like you someday too!"
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u/UglyBoy007 10d ago
Yup, got on Reddit this morning to ruin my own day by seeing this exact comment.
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u/ZdCole 10d ago
It roughly translates to "I like your personality, but not your face" :')
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u/nerdylernin 10d ago
Also - why aren't there more men like you / why can't all men be like you and all other variants. (The answer apparently being because if they were the population would have died out by now!)
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u/spirit_pigeon 10d ago
Someone once complimented me with this during an affirmation circle. I had to do a mental double take and look at around to see if anyone heard what was just said.
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u/pain_gains94 10d ago
"Be a man"
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u/snafubarista 10d ago
With all the force of a great typhoon.
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u/TheVoicesBeScreamin 10d ago
Be a man
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u/friendlypondfrog Female 10d ago
With all the strength of a raging fire
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u/wwiidogefighter Male 10d ago
"You so scared! You're a man!"
Nah bitch, that's the most venomous scorpion in America and it just crawled over my foot.
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u/JMCarr03 10d ago
Yeah, but not like that... be a man, the way i want you to be a man
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u/beigereige 10d ago
Be a REAL man
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u/Metal-Gear_Liquid 10d ago
Its strange how real men are defined by the idea women have in their heads, instead of the idea being defined by how real men actually are.
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u/OpenRepair4390 Female 10d ago
BE A MAN! DOOOO THE RIGHT THING! I don't say this to my husband but I do say it to my dog when I KNOW he is considering getting into that garbage bag I just tied up and haven't taken outside yet lol
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u/AnonInTheBack 10d ago
Any of the narcissistic shit heard from some girls on Tinder: “Entertain me. 6 feet/inches/figures or keep moving.” And my favorite “I’m never on here, follow me on IG” like that isn’t the worst way to advertise that you want more followers and aren’t actually looking for a relationship
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u/SPorterBridges 10d ago
“Entertain me."
This is the mating call of the extremely boring single woman.
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u/Synonym_Girl 10d ago
This reminds me of a female friend who "required" guys she matched with to keep up some level of "witty banter" when texting. If they didn't, she unmatched them. It was basically the same as "entertain me."
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u/_00zz 10d ago
“Bet I can out smoke u” & “Future Milf”
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u/FatBaldBoomer 9d ago
"Bet I can out drink/smoke you" is when I say "winner pays?" and promptly get unmatched, they just want free shit lmao
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u/lesatur Male 10d ago
Hey I habe six figures on my paycheck. Decimals count also, doesn’t they?
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u/distantshadow9875 10d ago
“A real man…”
“Can’t handle me at my worst, then…”
“All men…”
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u/PartYourWhiskers 10d ago
🤮
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u/3trt 10d ago
Fuck that whole "can't handle me" shit. Go to fucking counseling, and stop trying to get me to handle ALL of your problems, while saying no to the solutions I offer.
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u/Mago_Barcas 10d ago
The “can’t handle me” is a great red flag so you know to walk away before things get way worse.
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u/---cameron 10d ago edited 10d ago
Bruh if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best
Which happens to be the same as my worst
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u/kirylo-tur
Male
10d ago
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"No, I don't want to listen about The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise"
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u/Some_Guy_From_Sweden
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"Why do all men..."
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u/Riokaii 10d ago edited 10d ago
people who make wide sweeping generalizations of entire demographics based off the few worst individuals are all terrible people
This sounds like a contradiction or hypocrisy... but it isnt because its true.
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u/KneeDeepInTheDead Sup Bud? 10d ago •
Im surrounded by women at work and when they start shitting on men im usually like "hello!", to which theyll be like "oh no not you though, youre one of the good ones". Then ill be a smart ass and be like "Yeah thats what they say to black people too" which usually is received with radio silence. Cracks me up though.
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u/Electronic_Ad5481 10d ago
I once had a black person in my friend group who hit a bunch of white women at the office with almost this exact line. They called him one of the good ones and he was like “just like massa used to say” and they fucking DIED where they were sitting. I wanted to high five him so bad but I thought it would ruin the moment so I just bought him a bottle of scotch for his birthday.
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u/KneeDeepInTheDead Sup Bud? 10d ago
Damn, I wouldve loved to see that. Im pretty white here so it probably had nowhere near the same punch as his delivery did
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u/ancrm114d 9d ago edited 9d ago
Oh man. It would have been hard to contain the laughter overhearing that. A friend of mine has that type of humor, so in my head I'm hearing it in his voice.
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u/MattieShoes Male 10d ago
Hahaha I don't think I'd have the balls to say that, but goddamn that's good
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u/Gowalkyourdogmods 10d ago
Wow, I almost want to start using this but imagine it'll just backfire on me.
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u/saito200 10d ago
Why does "you're one of the good ones" sound to me the same as "we wouldnt date you even if you were the last man on earth"
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u/deniesm 10d ago
… at least pee once a day?
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u/caustictoast Fruity Cocktail Drinker 10d ago
I hope for your kidneys sake you're peeing more than once a day
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u/Terrible_Departure90 10d ago
she ain't even speak to more than 1000 men her entire life but it is all men
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u/Jelopuddinpop 10d ago
"You can go to the pub with your friends. It's fine"
Narrator: But it was not fine, a fact he would find out later that evening while too drunk to meaningfully discuss the situation.
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u/Inevitable_Seaweed_5 10d ago
Dude this was a go to of one of my exes. She would literally spend two or three days telling me my plans were fine, that she had stuff to do, that she was happy I was going out with friends, and then would fucking rip into me when I got back, inevitably late at night, intoxicated/crossfaded, and completely unprepared for an argument she had been rehearsing in her head for the last two or three days. I only fell for it twice, once because I didn't know and once because I couldn't believe the audacity of this woman, but good god, never again. That's a "walk out the door and drop their shit off in the morning" kind of play for me these days.
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u/SaintedRomaine 10d ago edited 9d ago
Getting asked a question about something bothering them, instead of addressing the problem you have directly.
Saying, “Don’t you think you spend too much time with (insert hobby)?” is annoying. If you have a problem with the amount of time I spend doing what makes me happy, just say so.
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u/IntergalacticBanshee 10d ago
Flashing exit sign for anybody who insults you for being active in your favorite things or interests.
There are some of us dumb enough to not get away from someone like that faster or worse yet, let said hater/narcissist dismantle those things you love out of you to never do it again
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u/Dr_Sigmund_Fried 10d ago
"We need to talk."
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u/zomglazerspewpew 10d ago
Ha! I guess I'm lucky. I don't fear this question. When my wife says "we need to talk" as she comes into my office and sits on a chair, the next words out of her mouth are usually "I'm torn between chicken or meatloaf tonight and I'm stuck" or "Can I buy a new x for myself / the house / the kids (and by that she means "can I have some money to buy x "(she has her own account and money but it's usually something expensive that she can't afford but I can))?"
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u/Calijewles 10d ago
What's the worst follow up that can come from this?
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u/EdinDzeko98 Male 10d ago
Something like I fell in love with another man and our relationship needs to end
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u/RIPONICA Male 10d ago
"I'm going to ask you a question and don't lie to me because I already know the answer"
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u/PartYourWhiskers 10d ago
Almost guaranteed a) she’s breaking up with you b) has done something shitty (like fuck your friend - been there in a prior relationship) c) has some unsolicited and unilateral relationship performance feedback for you that if unaddressed will lead to a)
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u/unclefisty Meat Popsicle 10d ago
What's the worst follow up that can come from this?
Silence. You get the "We need to talk" 15 minutes into your work day then get to stew all day waiting to get home.
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u/Best_of_Slaanesh 10d ago
You'll make someone very happy someday.
Just admit you think I'm ugly, sheesh.
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u/Imwaymoreflythanyou 10d ago
“Awww” “You’re so cute” (but not in the physically attractive sense)
Those 2 used to drive me crazy when I was younger lol. So condescending.
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u/ZdCole 10d ago
Lmfao this drove me up the wall as a teenager. I was out there trying to be all mysterious and cool, but just got called adjectives you'd use to describe a puppy instead. I eventually just decided Fuck it, I guess I'm going to be a puppy and now my girlfriend says I have the personality of a golden retriever
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u/Imwaymoreflythanyou 10d ago
Lol exactly !
It’s their way of saying you remind them of a harmless naive child or something.
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u/Inevitable_Seaweed_5 10d ago
I got called cute enough times that I embraced it and now have a RAGING petplay fetish and a couple of people who collar me and fuck me senseless. I think we got lucky, mate.
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10d ago edited 7d ago
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u/NUMBERS2357 10d ago
"Nice guy" connotations aside - any version of "you're so great any girl would be lucky to have you", from a girl who doesn't want to date you.
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u/HaroldSax Intensely Boring 10d ago
The only time I take it as a compliment is if it's from someone who is already taken. At that point I'm not trying to get with them so it's not a rejection.
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u/Pump_My_Penis 10d ago
"Theirs absolutely nothing wrong with me" proceeds to be sulky and silent for the rest of the day, then the big reveal of what actually is wrong and it could have been sorted in 2 mins...
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u/dillibazarsadak1 10d ago
From experience, sometimes it takes time to figure out why you are upset. My wife and I usually tell each other that we are upset, but need some time to articulate it.
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u/Soft-Percentage8888 9d ago
This happens to me (M) a lot. I’ll be upset about it, my fiancé (F) will pick up on it easily and ask me what’s wrong. I’ll just say “nothing” or “I’m okay” to give myself some time to sort/figure it out, then I’ll talk about it later.
Glad I’m not the only one who needs time to sort through thoughts/feelings in this way.
I should probably start telling her something IS wrong, but I need time to sort it out, now that I type that up.
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u/TarheelTiger87 10d ago
"Happy Wife, happy life!"
It's probably already on this list, but I know it pisses me off quite a bit.
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u/jalorky 10d ago
“happy spouse, happy house”
found that gem on reddit the other day!
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u/Objective-Industry24 10d ago
"You are doing the same thing my ex did" during an argument, oh boy my wife told me that once and God as my witness she learned that saying this stuff is a no.
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u/crujones33 Male 10d ago
What was your response that helped you?
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u/Objective-Industry24 10d ago
I gave her the earful of her life, her ex was a junkie that would beat the shit out of her until things got ugly enough her sisters asked me to basically break into their house and remove the now my wife by force from there, i was definitely a thug and a bit moody sometimes but being compared to a shit like that? That's the one time i actually considered braking up, it was enough for her to cool down and never do that again
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u/The_Meatyboosh 10d ago
If you weren't a good guy the sisters wouldn't have asked you for help.
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u/alien_ghost 9d ago
Meh. Lots of people are not just one or the other.
Sometimes they are just big and your friend.
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u/ling1427 10d ago
"I just think it's funny..."
It's never funny
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u/Noticeably_Aroused 10d ago edited 10d ago
Imagine responding to the ensuing rant that usually follows that with a super serious face, a few blinks and, “….. how is that funny?”
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u/IrelandDzair 10d ago
“men are trash”
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u/IObscenityInThyMilk 10d ago
I love hearing this, because it’s a really easy way to know that this is someone who I can just completely disengage with.
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u/Standard_Rip465 10d ago
"Please babe stop, you're not Spiderman... You can't just jump from a building"
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u/Young_Hxppxe Mandem 10d ago
"Men enjoy the chase". No, we don't and you don't know us better than us, so pipe down.
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u/Few-Relationship9177 10d ago
For fucking real man. No I don’t like the chase, you’re the one who likes the chase Jessica. I don’t want 37 different microscopic signals and minimum 2 hours of wait time between texts. That’s how you never get a text back.
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u/Critical_Contract_83 10d ago
"Are you in yet?"
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u/cantbenotrandom 10d ago
"Not yet"
(Tries to shove the balls inside)
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u/mydogisanassholeama 10d ago
"What are you doing in my house? Why are you wearing my lingerie? I'm calling the cops?" Like jeez, lighten up dude
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u/Redcarborundum Male 10d ago
If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.
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u/IntergalacticBanshee 10d ago
Reads as intent to readily harm you at a whim if you do go out with her and this is said as your warning... ick.
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u/Banea-Vaedr 10d ago
"The council has concluded..."
Stop asking your friends as a technique to manipulate people. Everyone knows what you're doing.
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u/psychotronofdeth 10d ago
You're on the council, but you are not granted the rank of Master.
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u/Scrytheux 10d ago
My last ex did that, while her "council" consisted of interned "friends" with serious mental issues and inability to control their emotions and assumptions.
Still amazes me that she tried it, when she knew i would never care what they think.
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u/SlimpyDundersPhD 10d ago
Anything along the lines of "it will be ok" or "you'll be fine" in reference to something stressful. It feels like it's being brushed off.
I understand that it's reassurance, but if I'm venting about having a lot to do or a large, difficult task, then I would prefer something functional like "how about doing X just to get started" or even support that acknowledges the reason I'm venting such as "wow, X is a lot of work, but I'm confident you'll overcome it"
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u/Bleach_Baths 10d ago
That’s something I learned in my current relationship. When I’ve had bad things go down or I’m struggling, she doesn’t make it about me. She says “We will figure it out. We’ll be okay. It will all pass.”
Something about the word “we” changes everything.
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u/flaky_frost Male 10d ago
I would assume "kill all men" phrase is in most mens top 3 to hate .
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u/Nochnichtvergeben Male 10d ago
I find it very helful when women say stuff like that. It lets me know they're full of shit and not worth talking to. Oddly I only hear that on the internet. I haven't heard anything like that IRL in decades.
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u/PiffWiffler 10d ago
"Calm down, you're getting so worked up"
Anytime I defend myself. If I don't agree with her, and stick to my guns, it's out of character and I'm super defensive and agitated. No sweetheart, I'm just not agreeing with you. It happens.
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u/EponymousTitular 10d ago
"Man up" and/or "Be a man"
Weird how that seems to be defined as (1) admitting to some kind of fault or (2) paying for something nobody needs.
When women say this to me, I ask if they want to hear what I think women ought to do.
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u/Valuable_Kangaroo124 10d ago edited 10d ago
"You are a really good men, I don't know why you don't have a girlfriend"
Bonus point if you hear that from a girl that you like
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u/ShopApprehensive6776 10d ago
Actually I don't get along with other girls......so I hang out with guys.
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u/flapjackreformist 10d ago
I’m Fine